Sunday, March 2, 2014

Comment on Rodrigo's post

I like the direction in which you're heading with your thesis statement. Nevertheless, I think there are some words that you could cut in order to make it sound less chopped up. If you took out the "but rather" right at the begging you would avoid cutting up the thought that you were about to introduce, which in my opinion, is kind of important since your paper is going to be about this idea. Then if you switch around the words in the second sentence and write "thus, this is the reason.." it would sound nicer.  I bolded the other things I changed too, but obviously this is your paper so do what you want with it. 

The definition of quality is, ironically, not definitive, but rather, has multiple definitions, applications and meanings for every single individual. Thus, this is the reason for the debates and difficulties in explaining such a powerful and meaningful world that affects all individuals in a different manner.

As for your outline, I think it's really good I just think that maybe you should end with your definition of quality instead of writing about it towards the beginning. 

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